Saturday, 7 July 2012
He'd been behaving odd yet again. I challenged him a few times over what he was doing with his life, did he want me gone, was he actually on the verge of sorting his fucked up life out? You know, just standard sorts of questions to an oddly behaving bloke. Nope nothing, he reassured me things were OK. I was still pondering from my previous post, whether to just let cat out the bag. He went away on holiday (again) with the other one, and spent half his time on the phone to me. Like seriously, what kind of woman just sits back and watches her bloke continually texting, all day and night, whilst supposedly having a romantic little holiday away. I, on the receiving end of these texts was beginning to wonder if she was actually there. Ummmmmm,I thought, perhaps some time alone with her is making him realise he isn't as happy as he foolishly claims. His constant texting while away actually became annoying, so god only knows how she felt.
So, presently I'm house hunting, but not being overly enthusiastic about it. Under the influence of my mothers nagging I finally sat in front of the computer screen and half heartily browsed. Then.............
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!! Double take - surely not! Yep you guessed it, his house, for sale, well actually sold subject to contracts. Not a frigging word he's mentioned to me about this. (just for clarification I should point out here that it's his house and not one they jointly own, but she does now live there). I fumed - a lot! You know, red mist kind of moment. If he's selling his house then he isn't exactly going to live on the streets, only possible thing is that he's buying a house with her! Further commitment!
I shouted - a lot! He tried to make out it had all happened so quickly and nothing was set in stone yet about them buying a house together. He tried to make it sound like it was just like popping to Tesco for a pint of milk. Now come on, the rest of us that don't live in Noddy land know full well that buying a house together isn't something that just happens. You don't just wake up one morning stick your house on ebay, sell it within minutes and then roll over to the person laid next to you and declare you'd like to buy a house with them. Buying and selling houses is a long drawn out matter that if you're lucky takes weeks (usually around 6-8 give or take). And that's after you've had the discussions about buying a house together and then got an offer on your current house.
He tried to play it down but then eventually had to own up and admit he was buying a house; with her!!!
OK so I did then go on and on and on at him. I wanted to pin this down to when he suddenly decided he was off to play happy families there and whoops just forgot to tell me. He said he'd been scared to tell me. Yep, too damn right dickhead. Telling someone you've been taking them for a complete and utter mug isn't something a spineless coward would relish doing. Turns out the offer on the house was accepted before the holiday.
He claims now that his feelings for me have changed. He still has feelings (clearly!) but wants to make a go of his other relationship. I threw all the usual lines back in there; should have thought about that before cheating; how can you make a go of a relationship that you've made a mockery of for most of the time you've been in it; you say you have feelings for her but clearly you don't when you've done what you've done.
But it was during his non explanation that I realised just what a weak and pathetic man he is, although I think man isn't the right term to use. He now thinks he can brush all his wrong doing under the carpet, bury his head in the sand and walk away to his sweet little life with little miss innocent (or ignorant given what she's turned a blind eye to) and set up nice little home and live happily ever after.
Yep, like that's going to happen.
He did all the manipulation remarks, tried to belittle and play down what had actually happened between us, even denying some recent events. This really did annoy me and in a burst of annoyance I said that she (as in other woman) can be the judge of that, as I'm sure she might see things differently if she saw the texts and emails he's sent. And before I had a chance to think it through there I was, all guns blazing telling him to confess or I will do it for him, with evidence to back it all up. And I wouldn't just stop there, nope, friends, family etc etc, I'd tell the bloody lot. You're not taking me for a mug and getting away with it. And I sent him packing with those words ringing in his ear.
Only gone and set myself up now haven't I. Whoops.
But then if I tell, I'm the bad guy. Well I am anyway, but he'll see it as a means for me to get my hands on him and her out the way. Nope and I have made it absolutely clear, he has this weekend to fess up himself, I will speak to him Monday, when he'll probably tell me he's not doing it or doesn't think there's any need to, or try and manipulate me in some way, but after Monday, I will never, and I mean never, speak to him again. I will never forgive what he has done. Never!
And you know what, I do mean it. I wasn't hurt when I had the conversation with him, I didn't cry once he'd left, I don't have the heart broken gut churning feelings. I just feel angry (and with myself) that he has been so weak, spineless, cowardly and deceitful and turned my life upside down. He's had so many opportunities to walk away without all this happening, yet he stuck around, knowing that the longer it went on the worse the ending would be.
Plus, in my angry moment and telling him to fess up or else, I've put myself in a position of either following it through or backing down (walking away) and looking weak myself, allowing him to think he's manipulated me yet again. Surely, if I truly want rid of him for good then I have to follow it through?
I actually can't be bothered with telling her as I think it'll make naff all difference, but I also know that by keeping quiet I will not get rid of him. Think of it as a power struggle, and to get rid and keep him away and ensure he never calls, texts, emails, turns up again, then I have to show super strength and make sure he is absolutely clear that I am not to be messed with. I have to gain all of the power here and retain it.
So ladies and gentlemen, how the fuck am I going to do that? It's Saturday now and I've set D-Day as Monday, and I absolutely can not go back on that. If he ignores me or doesn't make contact Monday, then he waves his chances goodbye of a dignified ending.
And if I do follow it through, how? Letter through the door with print outs of proof? Straight forward knock on the door, show down moment (not liking that)? Or, give the information to his enemies? I stumbled across a Twitter argument a few weeks ago that turned out to be about him (what's the chances!). It was basically grown men arguing over who hated him more (bizarre). I haven't got to the bottom of all of this yet, as it really is quite strange, but at least I know who they are now, and ammunition placed in the hands of the enemy might be a very easy option. Let them do all the hard work and take all the flying bombshells, whilst I scurry away and hide and watch the fallout from afar?
I suppose the other side of the argument is that she is innocent and will get hurt. Innocent? She's been told twice, she's turned a blind eye for 2 years. And if she is going to get hurt then surely now is better than later, after house purchase? Because we all know that this won't stay buried forever, unlike his head in the sand. On the other hand, she might just continue to turn a blind eye. In that case, they deserve each other.
So readers, help me out here. In the heat of the moment I've gone and delivered an ultimatum and now in the cold light of day wish I hadn't, but know I've got to stick to it if I want all this shit to finally end. I could just walk away, head held high, but would or should my moral conscience allow that?