Sunday, 2 August 2009

In The Cold Light Of Day

I know I was right!

Despite everything, I know I was right. As a few people commented on my previous post that only I know what Toyboy was like with me, and lets face it, I think we can safely say I've been around the block enough times now to know when I'm being played. I was not being played.

I even took advice on the matter from He Whose Name....... (I know bizarre!) and he said, nope, I was not being played. You know the whole only 7% is what we say and the rest is body language. Well I'm sorry, but 100% of Toyboy showed that I was not being played. He Whose Name thinks that somebody has said something and that has stuck in his mind, played havoc with it, and rather than talking to me about it, he's pulled the emergency stop cable.

Now in saying that I don't think anyone has said anything nasty, probably along the lines of, what are you doing getting involved with a 30 something divorcee with a kid. I'm sure that would stick in any 26 year olds mind. Instead of talking to me about it, he's got all freaked and cold feet. Now if he had of spoken to me about it rather than behaving like an idiot then I would have told him straight that I don't want him to get involved in all my shit. If anything his involvement would complicate things more, I don't want him getting involved with small child at the moment, as that would lead to Batman knowing and again just complicate matters all the more. For the time being I would rather he was kept at arms length from all my "baggage" as he referred to it. And remember, that's how the conversation started. He referred to my "baggage" as something he felt was a lot to take on. Somebody had put that in his mind hadn't they, in a negative way, because he already knew about it all. Now I know by keeping him at arms length that is almost like saying I want a part time boyfriend. Well surely that suits to a certain extent. I have my life here that I just sort of get on with, counting down the days each week until I go back there. I go there to get away from all the crap here. If he gets involved with all my crap, then the crap follows me round. When I go there I like to leave my crap in my car at the airport and not think about it until I get back in the car to come home again. Does that make sense? I suppose in a way, I want to lead a double life for now. Have all the crap here and all the good stuff there.

And lets not forget, this is a bloke that I have known for a long time now. I absolutely know that he isn't another bad guy. I know, in my heart and my mind that he was being genuine with the things he said and the way he was with me. This is a guy that has been looking at me like a love struck puppy for months now. And come on, anyone that has followed me for long enough knows I'm an old cynic and I don't believe anything that anyone says to me. Well OK not strictly true, but where the male of the species is concerned I do tend to take it all with a bloody big pinch of salt and it takes a lot to convince me. I was convinced with this one. I actually let my guard down and allowed myself to like this one.

But now we have a stand off. The dating guide handbook, that was very kindly sent to me by one reader, thank you, says that I should not call, never, ever, call a bloke. No text, email, facebook, nadda, nothing. I have to sit and wait, and wait. And according to the guide, he will be back. Men just get a bit scarred by their own feelings sometimes and they need time to digest it all. If I remain silent eventually he'll come running. So I'm waiting, but my god do I have itchy fingers! It's damn hard this not contacting thing, especially when I think I know the answers in my own mind, we just need to talk, but no, I am not making the first move. Why should I? If I do then it looks as though I am apologising, but he's the one that's behaved like a prize arse, not me. OK, so I gave him a bit of a mouthful in that text, but quite frankly he deserved it for coming out with that terrible line. A bit of fun!

Now I know I'm sort of contradicting myself a little when I say I got annoyed with him saying the bit of fun line when I say I want all the good stuff while I'm there. But what I mean is, I go there we have a great time together, I'm here I just get on with day to day life, but it doesn't mean that I want to forget about him when I'm here or never speak to him. I think I mean more that I don't want either of us to be going off with other people. OK, that probably doesn't make sense, but I'm sure somebody somewhere gets it. Oh can we just blame it on Batman, everything is so much easier when we blame Batman.

So, with just a week to go now before I'm back there I have a few options as to what to do;
A) Remain silent and just wait till I get there. I know he looks at my facebook page so he'll know when I'm there. He already does know all my dates anyway, but I'm sure the facebook page will remind him, along with various other people saying stuff. Ball is then in his court as to whether he contacts me, although if he doesn't then that could lead to one hell of a very awkward moment when our paths do cross, which they will.
B) Send him a quick text a day or two before I go reminding him that I'll be there and perhaps suggest meeting up, on our own, so as to avoid the public awkward moment when all eyes will be on us waiting for a reaction.
C) Not contact him, avoid him, then when I know our paths will definitely cross, make sure I look as hot as hell, be my ultra fabulous self and make sure he knows exactly what he's missing (this also has a down side though as it will be in the pub, we will both get drunk and I will turn into an outrageous flirt, he'll have no self control and we'll be back to square one. Not the best of moves maybe).
D) Avoid him like the plague, go anywhere but in the local pub (which may prove difficult) and make sure I am sending a very clear signal that I do not wish to be in his company, after all, as one reader pointed out, how can we possibly remain friends now, and if I have got it completely wrong, do I want a friend like that who can treat me like that? I think not.

So I think the big question really is, do I give him another chance, let him explain himself, do a bit of explaining myself. In that, look sunshine I am not about to become a nagging wife overnight and demand that you spend your Saturday afternoons with me shopping for shoes that I will never wear as we shall be spending our Saturday nights from now on either having cosy dinners for two or watching X-Factor, swiftly followed by Sundays in Ikea and a roast dinner with my mother. When actually if the truth be known, I don't want him to change, it's the drunken village idiot that I actually quite like and I am happy to carry on as we have been doing for months, sitting in our local pub on a Saturday night, with our mutual friends, having burping competitions. Because believe it or not, those drunken nights and the laughs we have had have been what has kept me going through some very rough few months. I am not about to go all bridezilla on him the minute my divorce comes through and demand a rock on my finger and his and hers bathrobes. And as far as small child is concerned he will remain as is, one of Mammy's friends in the pub. End of.

Bloody hell hey, I know they say the path to true love never ran smooth, but just for once, wouldn't it be nice to have no drama. Just for once wouldn't you all like to come and visit and I have a nice tale to tell. It all gets very exhausting this emotional roller coaster sometimes and I know I'm a tough old bird, but if there is a God, then please, just for once, give me a freakin break will ya!

And hey, I'm a hot Mammy (so I'm told) he should be lucky to have me wanting to step out on his arm xx


  1. Definately c), turn up look amazing, watch his jaw drop, get drunk, flirt and return to square one; it's a pretty good square after all! Maybe he just needs to know that all the 'baggage' is just that, and that you are still the same fun person he has been drooling after for all theses eons, then you can lead up to telling him what a twat he has been!

  2. What a dilemma, no use advising you what to do as I don't have a clue in my own life!
    Could do with that manual.

    I don't know how you've managed to restrain yourself from contacting him so far.
    Look forward to hearing the next installment- hopefully where he falls into your arms apologising for his stupid behaviour. :0)

  3. No drama? I don't think that's even possible. And everyone has baggage. Yours is just out in the he's got some baggage hidden somewhere. No one is a saint.

  4. You have to have drama because the book, film etc. needs it.
    I think a quick text would be a good idea.

  5. OK, here's the thing that sticks out for me; you're probaby right in that one of his friends said somthing along the lines of what you suggested. His response was to do a 180 and act like an idiot. He didn't defend you to the "friend" or state that is not how you are; he didn't go to you for reassurance; he succumbed to the pressure of his friend.

    If you can I would just wait and let him come to you to say his piece. If he doesn't then you have your answer. Do you really want a 26 y/o who will sway with the wind at every turn? Or someone strong enough to stand up for his feelings for you? He is only 26...but that doesn't mean he can't be a man about it.

  6. Option C definitely -and it sounds the most fun too x

  7. Wife of Bold gives good advice, I'd go with Option C too.
    But I shouldn't be listened to.
    I messed up and contact New Man, my itchy fingers couldn't resist.
    No-one sent me the dating guide book.
    Good luck.

  8. Ah Sod it, option B) a quick text never hurt ...

  9. Just to update, option B could work, as my New Man just rang and made 2 dates.
    Go for it!!!!!

  10. Ladies, my fingers are getting far too itchy. Text construction is now underway, although whether it gets sent remains to be seen. May need a glass or two of vino to pluck up the courage

  11. So Yummy....did you hear back from your text???

  12. So did you send it? (I'd have gone with B myself, I hate feeling embarrassed especially if people are watching!)