Sunday, 16 June 2013

The Story So Far


So some of you are new here and some of you have been here a while and some of you have been here forever so know the story inside out. But for those of you that don't know the ins and outs and who's who, then here's a brief (ish) recap:

Small child - yep my little darling, not so small anymore and fast approaching the teens, but still my little baby. We found ourselves a long way from home many moons ago, and left up shit creek by the nasty Batman (ex husband and not a super hero) when he fecked off with Wicked Witch. I wanted to move back home but Batman said no, so off we went to court. In the meantime Batman and Wicked Witch went on a hate campaign to make my life hell and bully me into giving up Small Child and get rid of me for good. Batman threw lots of money at a dodgy legal system, a very unprofessional so called child specialist and had me stopped from leaving the country. But refused to help in any way (financial and practical). The bullying continued and my life was made hell on earth. Eventually I handed over Small Child in the foolish hope that after getting what he wanted Batman would leave me alone and concentrate on being a father. Wrong! He got worse. It was agreed that I had a lot of access time with Small Child, he was to play nicely in future and if it all got too much for Small Child she would be allowed to come and live with me.

I left a broken woman and in truth, I've never recovered.

And thus the agony began. Batman and Wicked Witch got worse, slowly but surely. They gradually began cutting me out of Small Child's life, but then some stuff happened and they realised it wasn't going to be that easy to get rid of me. Then some really bad stuff happened and they covered it all up and got the unprofessional child specialist to help them cover it up. Small Child was screaming out that she wanted to live with me, but they all ignored her. So called professionals ignored her cries for help.

Then some more bad stuff happened and then out of the blue I found some actual evidence. But then Batman knew I had something on him, so he cut me off from Small Child completely and threatened to move away! He hid her away so I couldn't find her. I involved every authority you could imagine, but nobody did a thing. I was told to wait for another court date. I was being put through unimaginable hell now. Small Child was being alienated from me at a rapid pace, Wicked Witch was well and truly showing her true colours and Batman was going into over drive with his lies and manipulation.

Armed with enough evidence to sink even the most teflon types I eventually got into court. And what do you know!?!? Yep, they did absolutely nothing! Yet another cover up from the unprofessional child specialist and the same judge that once told me they hadn't bothered reading the case file before issuing judgement. This is what I'm up against.

But then Batman announces that he's leaving the jurisdiction himself! NO! Absolutely not! But hey, he thinks he can do whatever he wants, and oh how he loves telling me that. So now he's dropped himself right in it because he's pretty much announced he was planning on breaking the law (again). Now something has to be done (legally). But you know what, I'd put bets on yet another cover up. Wouldn't you?

And this is where the next chapter of my roller coaster life begins. Another court case looming and knowing that I more than likely will have to sit through yet another injustice and watch those two despicable people get away with it all yet again even though their chain of abuse has now been laid bare for all to see and with actual evidence to prove everything I've said for years.

You see there's one lesson in life that you never expect to have to learn the hard way; Never expect justice in a family court or a foreign land. Put the two together and you've no chance.

But like so many other parents that are separated from their children overseas, through acts of injustice like mine or through abduction, there is never a minute in the day when you stop loving your child, they are never far from your thoughts and you pray that some day, no matter how long it takes, there will be justice, karma will come through for you in the end and you will get your baby back.

Hopefully that has pretty much brought you all up to speed. There's just the small matter of my excellent talent of attracting all the wrong men. I could not find a nice, decent, loving, caring man if I tried. I can very easily find assholes, wanker, liars, cheats, pricks, knobheads and some absolute nut jobs! So hey, the story is always interesting!

Please stick around and read some more. I am the worlds worst blogger and I do tend to forget to update, but I do promise to try harder. You can also find me on Twitter and now and then I do post a review or two over on Yummy Mammy Really Likes

And just for the record - I want to marry Declan Donnelly (as in Dec from Ant and Dec). So you know, if any of you can arrange that one, I'd really be quite appreciating. Thanks.

Until next time.........

Lots of lovey dovey stuff xx


Saturday, 2 March 2013

A Gift For Any Occasion

What do you get your Mum for Mothers Day when there's nothing she wants, you can't think if anything and really, you're just giving yourself a bit of brain strain trying to think?

Check out this belting little number I found on the old tinternet - http://www.giftsonline4u.com/champagne-gifts.htm The picture, in my opinion, really doesn't do it justice but I liked the idea of a personalised bottle of fizzy stuff as a gift for the mother dear.

I placed the order online and thought that it would take a while with it being personalised. Nope! Literally 2 days later and it was on its way, complete with groovy courier tracking that text you to say what time they will be there (note to any online shop or courier service, this is very, as in very, helpful).

I have to say, I was absolutely delighted when it arrived. I was that pleased with it I actually very proudly handed over the gift weeks before Mothers Day. And mother dear was rather delighted with it (which is probably a first given that my mother could find fault with a jackpot lottery win).

With some personalised gifts I have noticed in the past that they can look a bit cheap and cheerful and a bit Hallmark like. This was different. The label on the front of the bottle (the bit they personalise) is actually of a really good quality and doesn't look as though its been attached by a 5 year old with a tube of PVA. Due to the quality, it would make it something that you'd keep even after drinking it's contents so it would also be ideal for any milestone event such as a 21st, 40th, 60th, wedding, engagement, new baby etc. Honestly, I'd be delighted if I received one! (nudge, nudge, hint, hint).

I can't comment on the bottles contents as we haven't drunk that yet but given that it's not a cheap and nasty Cava then I'm sure it'll be excellent.

You can check out the rest of the range of personalised items at http://www.giftsonline4u.com/ I will certainly be using them again.

Right, back to my normal whinge and moaning blogging. I've yet more updates to tell you about xx


Monday, 25 February 2013

Manipulative Negotiators and How to Recognise Them - One Readers Advice

So after my last post one reader sent me over some advice in the shape of an article they had written. I'm sharing it with you all below so you can all have a read and see what you think;


Manipulative Negotiators and How to Recognise Them

In a good negotiation, both sides try in earnest to compromise and both sides gain something in doing so. Thus, both sides effectively win. However, manipulative negotiators seek only to satisfy their own needs by manipulating the other person(s).

A manipulative negotiator may be a pushy salesperson, a boss, a co-worker, a family member, a significant other, or a self-centred friend. In some cases, such as small children, the manipulative behaviour is unintentional. However, in most cases it is intentional.

In order to fight against manipulative behaviour, you must first be able to recognise when it is happening. This is harder than it may see on the surface because some manipulative negotiators are so good at what they do, you may not even realise they are doing it. To help you learn to recognise this type of behaviour and to help you in knowing how to fight it, four examples are given below.

Patronising and/or Verbally Abusive

Your significant other may use patronising, sarcastic, or even down right abusive language to belittle you. You may recognise this language as abusive but you may not realise they are using it to try to control you. Your husband may say something like, "You aren't going to be stupid enough to go out with your idiot friends again to that crazy place, are you?" They may be pretending to protect you but in reality they just don't want you to go out because they don't want to have to watch the kids without your help. You can fight back first by realising what their real motive is and then by calling their bluff. You might ask, "What is the real reason you don't want me to go out." You could also be more direct and say, "I am going to go out because I deserve a night out with my friends. Are you going to be able to handle the kids on your own or do I need to hire a babysitter?"

Trying To Bulldoze Right Over You

This is where someone tries to talk louder than you and keep talking so fast you can't get a word in edgewise. In other words, they try to dominate you without even listening to what you have to say. A parent may do this to try to get you to date someone they want to fix you up with even though you know they aren't right for you. When this happens, one of the best ways to fight back is to just take their arm gently and say something like, "Look, I understand how strongly you feel about this but I do not appreciate that you are not allowing me to express how I feel. Please allow me to talk for 3 minutes without interruption...."

The Guilt Trip

We've probably all experienced this one many times over to varying degrees by different people. Someone wants something from you because they're in some kind of predicament and they make it sound like something bad is going to happen if you don't help them. They infer that you would then be to blame if you don't help them. A co-worker may ask you to finish up his or her work, cover for them, so they can get home to help their kid do their homework because they're falling behind. Your boss may ask you stay late to do his work because he says his wife is going to be really upset if he's late to dinner again. Your brother may ask you to let the caustic comments from his wife slide so he doesn't get into trouble. In all of these cases, and in similar cases, you can fight this by first deciding how you really feel about the situation and realise that you should NOT feel guilty if you don't want to help or simply can't help for whatever reason. Then it comes down to whether or not you want to help the person out of the kindness of your heart, not out of guilt. Perhaps you want to help the co-worker help her son. Perhaps you do not want to do the boss' work because you have a kid of your own to get home to. In this case, tell him that you understand his problem but you simply have to get home to your child. If your sister-in-law's comments are too harsh, maybe you feel like you need to stand up to her. If this is the case, you may want to tell your brother in a diplomatic way that his wife is treating you badly and you would appreciate his support in talking with her about it. Let him know that if you have to say something to her in a diplomatic way, you will not feel guilty about doing so.

Forcing You To Choose Between Two Options

Another trick that manipulative negotiators use is to try to force you to choose between two alternatives as if they were the only choices, when in fact, there are other choices available. Usually, they offer the option they want you to choose and another ridiculous option to try to force you to choose the one they want you to choose. The way you fight this manipulative tactic is to simply point out that you know there are other choices, including the one you are going to choose and why. You can be sweet and smile while you explain this but be firm in not allowing yourself to be manipulated.

If you are having trouble figuring out how to deal with a particular manipulative negotiator,
you may want to consult negotiation experts for specific strategies on how to fight back.

 

The article was written by Alisha Webb. Alisha is a content developer for The Gap Partnership US - Negotiation experts.


Saturday, 16 February 2013

I Want To Be A Super Bitch!

I know, harsh title. But you know what? I really, really, wish I was a super bitch, like in real life, as in for real!

I bitch, I whinge, I moan, to you! I have a handful of real world friends that I tell the things I'd tell you. But the people that really need to hear it, the people I should be ranting at, putting in their place, I just keep quiet to. Or I might start and be all brave for a little while, but then I always back down.

You see the problem I have, and as I think I've highlighted in my recent update posts, is that I just can't stand up for myself. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I go through it in my mind, plan it, note it, rehearse it, I just can't do it. And now it's gone on for so long that certain people have let it become second nature to just walk all over me. It gets me down. It brings me down. It makes me angry, the type of anger that builds up inside and eats away. It's making me hate my life. But it's a life I'm stuck in and without a bloody great big miracle dropping out of the sky anytime soon, then I've not much choice but to put up with it. For now.

I'd love to change things, and I have started to take a few steps, but I am so surrounded by the wrong people, negative, not very nice people, but unless I become that super bitch, I won't be able to shift them. Plus I'll need one hell of a back up plan!

When I moved back to the UK it was because I wanted something better than the life we had in Ireland. The reality is that, if I'd have known then what I know now, I would never have moved. Over time I've learnt certain things and the people that I thought would/should have been supportive haven't been. I also now don't understand why nobody, and I literally mean nobody, back in those days, actually tried to do anything to stop me having to make those heart breaking decisions. Nobody actually turned to me and said, "Right, what can we do to make life in Ireland ok for you?" and having said something like that, actually offered practical help or solutions. And now through things I have learnt, I know full well that there were people that could have helped me. And that breaks my heart. The supposed closest people in my life, let me walk away from my own child, when they could/should have intervened and stopped me and helped me. And they didn't.

Now all that said, the fact still remains that I was absolutely screwed over by the Irish courts and what happened in that court room was beyond disgraceful and shocking. If I had been treated fairly and the correct due process followed then things might be different. However, I also wonder how different? You see, there were people back then that made a lot of what I now know, were empty promises. Because if things had of been different and small child was here, I'd still be surrounded by those same people. And I don't think their attitudes would be any different.

Given the choice, having the means, there are a number of people I'd gladly cut out of my life. I'd tell The Foreign One to go do one and make sure everyone knew the truth about him. I'd wipe the snotty nose bitch smug look off BFF's face and put people straight there, and I'd tell Daddy dear exactly what a worthless, good for nothing prick he is, that has caused so much hurt to so many and does not deserve the title of father. There's also a lot more I'd say there too. And as for Batman, I'd stand up to him and fight back. I'd fight dirty like he does. I'd inflict pain on him that would leave him breathless for the rest of his pathetic life. And I'd tell my mother, that I am her daughter, and remind her of what that actually means.

So I probably sound like a right bitter bitch. Well yes, I probably am. But then I also think, I've every right to be. But, again, a lot of it just comes down to me not sticking up for myself. I've let a lot of things happen and allowed people to treat me the way they have. Granted it's probably quite unfortunate that I've managed to end up with so many of the wrong people in my life but I think that's a by product of Daddy Dears behaviour when I was a child and what I grew up seeing as a so called role model. But after years of feeling like I've had the shit kicked out of me, it's very difficult to muster the strength to stand up for myself. And also there's the fact that I don't feel like anyone has my back.

I've started to make some tiny steps on the road to change. I've now got a part time job, just a couple of days a week. It's not much, but it's a start and could possibly go full time in a few months. The job itself isn't what it was cracked up to be at interview, but it's also disorganised chaos, so perhaps when things settle down more it'll be ok.

I've also started doing Erica Douglas's The 12 Step Lifestyle Blueprint just to try and help point me in the right direction. I think my ultimate goals are rather massive, but having identified the negative people in my life and the things that are bringing me down, I now just have to work on ridding myself of it all.

I'd love to be that Super Bitch, stand tall with my head held high and dish out the dirt that people have piled on to me. But then surely the right thing to do would be to walk away with my head held high and dignity in tact? Or is that just another way of not sticking up for myself?

Either way, there needs to be a lot of changes before I can get rid of all the negativity around me. It'll be a long hard process, and there are some elements that won't be that straight forward, but I also know that something has to give. I can't go on living like this, in my angry, bitter world. Wrongs need to be put right. And some people also need to be put right. Perhaps that's the lessons they need to learn in life. Don't fuck with Yummy Mammy!!!



Wednesday, 6 February 2013

Update 3 - Family - Person No 3

I won't lie, this has been a tough one to write. I've deleted it about 5 times already, things have changed whilst I've been trying to write it and I had a little battle with my conscience as to whether or not I should write it. But then I figure that I'm missing a huge chunk of what is going on in my life if I don't tell you about this.

Family - OMG! If you got to pick them, I'm damn sure you wouldn't pick mine.

This is going to sound a little unfair, perhaps selfish, but quite frankly, at this moment in time, if I had a choice, I'd walk away and never look back. Now don't get me wrong, it's not all of my family. Just my parents.

Now I have to back track. Sorry, it may get long winded.

Many, many moons ago, pre me, my parents (not married) split up. Well, I don't even know if you can call it that, more fling went awol and 9 months later I appeared. Single mothers just did not happen in those days, it was an embarrassment to any family. But mine all rallied round and supported my mum and my grand parents stepped in and took on very involved roles. I spent my early years in a fantastic, loving family environment. I didn't have a Dad but that didn't matter and I wasn't lacking in any way. If anything, it was better! I had grandparents and aunts and uncles that worshipped me. In short I had a great childhood. Fast forward a few years to the difficult pre teen years and Daddy dear turns up! Not only does he turn up, he brings along a whole array of brothers and sisters I never knew I had (that some lived with him). And then he manages to re-charm my mother, some would say a fairy tale ending (nope!) and before you know it I'm living in the dysfunctional family from hell. I went from The Waltons to The Simpsons overnight.

This is the point it all starts to go very downhill.

From here on I didn't have a very good childhood at all. There are many aspects of it that I've struggled with for years, to this very day. A lot of it doesn't make sense (well it didn't make sense should I say), a lot of it wasn't nice at all, most of it I spent hiding in my bedroom and keeping quiet. Many of the issues in the house revolved around my younger brother and sister. Their mother had died literally days (possibly a week or two) before Daddy dear came knocking at our door. They literally buried their mother and then were presented with a new Mummy. As you can rightly well imagine this just made our house a war zone. And to be honest now, looking back as an adult, rightly so that should have been a war zone! What idiot in their right minds would think that such a situation would work?!?!

By the time I hit 18 I'd had enough of it and got the hell out of there. And there pretty much ended my relationship with my siblings. A few years later and all hell broke loose in that household, my siblings were ejected from the house and thus my Dad's relationship with them also ended. So that left my parents with just me. So now you'd think only child syndrome would kick in. Ha! Yeah right!

I have always, and I mean always (when I say always I'm not including the nice younger years, I mean the parents together years), anyway, always, been the failure child. No matter what I have done, what I may have achieved, I am the failure, disappointment child. Even now, to this very day, no matter what I do, it is never good enough, it never warrants praise, it never amounts to anything in my parents eyes. If I won a million on the lottery tomorrow, they'd be disappointed in me that I didn't win two million. For whatever positive I give them, they will always find the negative. The slightest of things requires a negative comment from them, a put down and then usually a whole load of criticism.

Everything they do for me seems to come with terms and conditions, or a long list of moans and groans as to why I'm so useless and can't do it for myself and they have to help. Or a long list of excuses as to why they can't help, which usually just boil down to they want to be hard work and can't be bothered.

So you can imagine what it is like for me now that I find myself living in their spare room. It's like being that teenager again, hiding in my bedroom. Only this time I'm hiding from the reality I now understand, so it's worse. As a child I didn't understand why I was called names, quite nasty names, by my own father. I didn't understand why my Mum quite literally lost interest in me when he showed up.

There are many actions both my parents do that I still don't understand. They do and say a lot, simply for effect. Like they are making a point, but there actually isn't a point. For example, they get up ridiculously early in the mornings, when they don't need to (we're talking like 5.30am here), seem to take absolutely ages getting ready to go out, sit watching tv, and then go to work, and then complain at nights of being tired, and go on and on at me for being lazy because I don't get up ridiculously early. However, there isn't actually any justification for these comments given that yes, I may not get up until 9am (ish) some days. But I still work all day, yes granted this is from home quite a bit, but I still work. I'll then have a break around tea time, watch tv for an hour or so (when the soaps are on) and then usually go back to working and don't actually go to bed until 2 or 3am. So actually I get less sleep than them! But I'm the lazy one. Oh yes, and I don't work, because I don't have a proper job that involves sitting in an office from 9-5. After all, they are the only proper jobs!

So yes, well, you can imagine what it's like living with this 24/7.

They go on and on about how I should do this that and the other, after all, they know how to run my business far better than I do. Yet they constantly put barriers in my way. This isn't just about my business, it crosses over into everything.

Small child and Batman. Yep, well, even that one is difficult. Batman knows how my parents treat me. He doesn't approve (in fairness, god help me, but he actually has a point) and he'd prefer it if small child didn't have constant contact with them. But he just sort of accepts it. But it's his absolute ace card to play in the whole custody row. Naturally, I can't tell the parents that. But flip the situation over, and yes parents know exactly what Batman is like, they know how he has treated me, they know the games he plays (and that's a whole other post on it's own!), they know how utterly devastating it has been for me. Do they stick up for me? Do they defend me? No! Not once! Never have they turned to Batman and told him he is out of order, or to lay off or just to have a quiet word. They just sit back and watch him trample all over me. Now I don't know about the rest of you, but if that was small child, being treated the way Batman goes on, and I could see first hand the effect it was having on my own child, well quite frankly I'd be moving heaven and earth to make sure he got what was coming to him. What annoys me, is, they could be helpful, there is so much they could do to help, to be more understanding, be more caring, actually stand up for me. But that would be too much like hard work for them. They'll sit watching tv talking about what a nasty piece of work Batman is. But will they actually do anything to help me fight him?!?! Christ no! You must be having a laugh!

Anyway, I've gone off track a little here. Back to the siblings.

I'd heard bits and pieces here and there about them but I hadn't seen or spoken to them in many years. Until a few weeks ago. Out of the blue I got a message on Facebook from my younger sister (my Dad does have quite a lot of children btw, some are older than me, the ones I lived with as a child were younger). I didn't know what to make of it at first. Basically she wanted to track down our Dad and asked for my help. I thought about this for a day or two, I knew it wasn't an easy subject. So I spoke to my mum about it. She was ok with it, but said she wasn't sure how he'd react and chances were that little sister was just after something, money most likely. However, I'd heard on the old grapevine that she was doing ok for herself, good job etc, so I kept more of an open mind. I was told to just ask her outright what she wanted. I wasn't comfortable with this, so I made a few excuses and got Little Sister to meet me.

I was quite nervous, yet excited, apprehensive, but I was keeping an open mind. After all, I knew there was always two sides to every tale, she was only a child back then and given some of the things that I know happened in that house, I couldn't blame her if she had one almighty chip on her shoulder.

I'm glad I kept an open mind. Little Sister surprised me - a lot! She wasn't after anything, nor was she looking for a big emotional reunion and a loving Daddy/Daughter relationship. She just wanted contact, really just to ease her own conscience. I could see her point. He isn't getting any younger.

But one of her first questions to me was like a watershed moment. It directed the way in which the conversation went from there and it brought a whole load of clarity to things. She asked me, if he was still drinking.

Our Dad is an alcoholic, narcissistic, sociopath.

I know, big statement. I'd read a lot of stuff many, many times about personality disorders, usually looking for pointers on Batman but increasingly found that all the references and definitions pointed to my Dad. But then I always thought this was my own mind just twisting things to fit, my memory playing tricks on me. But 4 hours of talking to Little Sister made it all clear. After not seeing or speaking to each other for so long, we had still formed exactly the same opinion. We had exactly the same memory and opinion of our childhood. It's a conversation we have never had before, yet we both absolutely got what the other was saying. Clarity at last.

I couldn't tell my mum all this so just gave her very edited highlights, more about what Little Sister and Little Brother are doing now, married, kids etc etc. Daddy dear did his usual head up his arse routine and point blank refused the contact. I'm still hoping my mum can deal with that one as I'm currently making excuses to Little Sister over it.

I'll not go into the whole dealing with the personality disorder in this post, I'll write something separate about that.

So there you have the person number 3, possibly 4 (I often wonder if my Mum would change if he wasn't about).  You'll see it more about how badly effected we all are by my Dad when I do the other post, but it's like just yet another thing that's dragging me down. The constant belittling hurts along with everything else. But until the tides turn I'm stuck with it.

It raises a lot of questions too. You see, because of various other things, I know full well that he is completely taking her for a ride. I know she's not blind to his ways, but she just puts up and shuts up. I've seen and heard things I wasn't supposed to that I know she knows nothing about. Normally I'd say she'd hit the roof and he'd be thrown out on his ear if she knew. But then I also know, that if I told her, I'd be running the risk of him twisting things, and if it came down to a straight forward choice, I honestly couldn't trust her to pick me over him. I think the pair of them would see me out on the streets homeless. So, do I run the risk and stop her being taken for a ride, or, put up and shut up?

Do you see the connection now about if I was in a normal relationship with The Foreign One, I could walk away, I could set my Mum straight, I wouldn't have to put up with this.

So that's 3 people all now lined up that shouldn't be in my life. Room for a 4th?

And as for Little Sister. Well hopefully she'll be sticking around.




Sunday, 27 January 2013

The Mistress's Revenge - Tamar Cohen

Update number 3 isn't coming along too well (it's proving very difficult to write) so I'm distracting myself by telling you about a fab book I read a few months ago. Plus, it's kind of appropriate given my dealings with The Foreign One.

You can guess by the blog title that it's about the book 'The Mistress's Revenge' written by Tamar Cohen.

I was in Asda browsing the book aisle, OK, that's too polite a description for me. I was desperately looking for something to read as 50 Shades of complete and utter boring had driven me to start believing that people had chosen to start reading such utter crap in their masses and I would never find a good book to read. Like seriously, after the first book did anyone actually read the next two books properly? Granted, I will admit that I bought into the hype and bought all 3 books at once. Well you do when Amazon have an offer on don't you! I read the first, yea OK, it grabbed my attention but 50 pages into the second book I was bored and found myself skim reading through, skipping the sex and the eating parts (very repetitive and boring after the 10th repetition) only reading the small part of story and action that happened and eventually putting it down, letting it gather a bit of dust next to my bed, only picking it up to read a few more pages now and then in the sheer dire hope that something more interesting might happen. Nope. I won't be holding my breath in anticipation of the film.

Back to my desperate search for something to read. It was also during the period back in the summer when I wanted to kill The Foreign One over the whole house buying scandal. This book near jumped off the shelf at me! Here was a title screaming at me. I didn't read the epilogue, flick through the pages, nope, it was swiftly chucked in the basket and off to the checkout. Revenge! It was my kinda language at the time.

OK, so I'll skip through the reading process and get to the good bits.

If you want a book that is going to tell you how to get revenge on the shit bag that's been stringing you along, then this probably isn't the right book. If you want a book that gets right under the skin of an affair, then OMG this is the book for you.

It's not the easiest of books to read. It doesn't have clearly set out chapters or structure and does tend to jump around a lot. But that's the beauty of it. It's written in the first person, Sally, the poor woman sat writing her journal type, pouring her heart out letter, to Clive, the shit bag. You are inside Sally's mind, reading her inner most thoughts and getting a birds eye view of her life falling apart while she goes quietly bonkers.

For anyone who has ever partaken in a proper affair (the sneaking around variety not the quick bunk up variety) there are so many parts of this book you will absolutely identify with. So many aspects of Clive's personality, the lines he uses, the actions he takes, the way in which he conducts himself, are so typical of a man in this position.

In Sally's character we see a very weak female who has been so captivated by Clive that she is completely under his spell. Sally isn't weak in a bad way, she has just been swept along by the emotion of her ordeal with Clive, that it consumes her to the point of nothing else in her life existing.

For the purposes of fiction, obviously the characters of Sally and Clive are written with the character traits to the extreme. But for anyone who has been in an affair or a controlling or consuming relationship, there will be elements of their personalities that you will identify with. And that is the beauty of this book. The characters come full circle by the end. Sally is dragged to hell and back but comes out the other side, life in tatters but with foundations to go on and rebuild. Clive basically gets whats coming to him and right at the end we see him for the feeble character he really is, hence the need to control and dominate the women in his life.

I have read other reviews of this book (all good btw) that focus on it being about the affair and should be a warning to anyone undertaking in such actions. Yes, it is about the affair, but to me it's more about the power that one person can have over another. How controlling, manipulating anyone can have far reaching consequences. The lesson of this book should actually be to think twice before you do anything that has an effect on someone else's life. If you carry out an action that can potentially hurt someone in any way, just remember that some day the tables may turn, and your feelings or direction in life could well be in the hands of the person you hurt.

Clive pulled Sally's strings and she made some very bad choices. She paid the price for this, but ultimately, Clive paid the higher price.

Every action has a consequence.

You can purchase this book here http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Mistresss-Revenge-Tamar-Cohen/dp/0552777544 and I can honestly recommend it for a really good read.



Saturday, 26 January 2013

Update 2 - Not So BFF - Person No 2

Sorry! I sort of got side tracked with what will be update number 3/person number 3 and it's taken on a whole new life of its own. Actually it's very much changed the update I was going to give. Oh and I've still not got round to writing a post for my blogs 5th birthday and I've been given a lovely competition prize to give away as well. I really must crack on!

But for now, back to update number 2. What was the BFF, but now, isn't so much a BFF, but a great big pain in the arse. Are we all comfy? Good, then lets begin.

BFF has been my BFF (sorry for those that don't follow the lingo, a BFF stands for Best Friends Forever) well pretty much a very long time. When I lived over in Ireland she came over to visit quite a lot and when I came over here to visit we went out, did stuff together, shopping, eating drinking etc etc. You get the picture I'm sure of what BFF's do together.

When I moved back over here, living very close by to BFF, things pretty much stayed as they always had been. But then slowly I noticed a few changes here and there. And eventually I realised I was being frozen out. I've mentioned this a few times to you previously how I felt that I was being excluded for being single, or not married, or because I only have a part time child (you know, like that's my feckin fault!), or because I worked full time, wasn't part of the local ladies that lunch click or a school gate Mum. All the things to me that are irrelevant if someone is supposed to be your friend.

So, now I've noticed a lot more things, and it's really starting to bug me. For example, I literally never hear from BFF until my dear small child arrives, and then I can hardly get rid of BFF. Why? Because I then become a dumping ground for her child. BFF never organises child care, thus come the school holidays and my precious time with small child, I get her child dumped on me constantly, under the crappy excuse that they are BFF's and it's good for small child to have someone to play with (there is 5 years between them and small child is no longer quite so small a child and really shouldn't still be "playing" with little kids at her age!) The BFF excuse is bullshit and code for "I can't be arsed to organise childcare and why should I when you are mug enough to do it for free!"

Next example, I haven't been invited on a night out in, well, actually, it's been that long I can't remember. And I know the reason why!

I've noticed that a few of the local bitch click started to look down their noses at me. I was snubbed in the street, deleted on Facebook, off the Christmas card list, considering that I run a business that supplies female beauty products and lots of pretty gifts, not one of them has ever bought something from me, promoted my business in anyway (I have people I don't know half as well who fall over themselves to help promote, spread the word and shop with me). In short, I was being excluded and bitch slapped at the same time.

I pondered this for a while. It actually upset me for a while. I didn't say anything to anyone and just kept my head down, but it was eating me up. I knew I hadn't done anything to deserve it but I didn't understand why I was being treated the way I was. Then I was out one day having coffee with another friend (not connected to the local bitches) and whatever it was she asked me, I ended up telling her the whole sorry tale and how I felt about it. What a difference it made telling someone about it because she pieced it all together in about 30 seconds and put me straight as to why it was happening. I was one great big almighty threat!!!

Me! A threat! Well actually, the way it was put to me, yes I am. You see, when I lived in Ireland I knew everyones business. I was the keeper of many a dirty dark secret. I advised, helped cover things up, facilitated an affair or two (there's not mine), in short I now know enough to set a bomb off under this tiny little village and cause absolute mayhem. And certain people really don't like that one little bit.

After this was put to me I started to keep a closer eye on who was saying/doing what to see if this theory matched up to the right people. Yep. The Very Nice Friend had been right. And BFF is right at the centre of any potential explosions I could set off. I know for absolute fact that if what I know about her ever got to be public knowledge, then the local bitches would give her one hell of a public flogging. She would lose her Queen Bitch precious status for a start. The rich hubby, whose money she so enjoys throwing around and rubbing in your face, would throw her out on her arse and take back the flash car, fancy holidays and unlimited credit card spending. The fall from grace would be huge and the can of worms it would then throw wide open would also be huge. Because it would then have a chain reaction and blow apart of few other web of lies in a few other relationships.

You have to remember, this is a tiny village, everyone knows everyone, you can't keep a secret and everyone inter marries. They also all have affairs with the neighbours, friends husbands, mates sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers. It is one great big click. But if you upset the click then pack your bags and leave because you aren't welcome.

The local click obviously want me out. I can kind of figure that because I do get on with their husbands and have previously thought it OK to go out on the lads nights out when invited, they see my friendships with their husbands as a huge threat. In most cases I've known their husbands longer than they have and view them as friends. But I probably made the mistake of being quite open about The Foreign One with BFF, who has told everyone, thus giving them the perfect reason to not want me around their husbands. Perfect excuse for them as it paints me in a bad light, and they all have their hidden agendas for not wanting me about. Hence why I'm now the outcast.

It annoys me in a sense as they have done far worse then me, yet I'm the one who is in effect being bullied out of my home town. I was born and raised in this tiny little village. A lot of them are just blow ins, married well or moved here later on. When I wanted to leave Ireland, it was because I wanted to come home. This is no longer my home, and that upsets me. It shouldn't be this way but unless I grow a pair and stick up for myself then that is how it is. And because I'm in a situation of having to live with the parents at the moment, which is shit on a good day, I'm stuck in the middle of Bully Avenue and Bull Shit Drive and now really wanting to move away!

I'm fed up with having to move and wish I could just settle down. But until finances pick up or something major happens to change things then I'm stuck here.

Although just for badness, yesterday,The Foreign One suggested going for a quick drink after he finished work. This has become a regular thing, to the extent that he's now gotten brave and meets me in my little local pub (the place where everybody knows your name!). I went in yesterday and BFF was there, with the hubby and child. Her face was an absolute picture when The Foreign One then walked in and we sat at the bar having a drink, chatting away and he spoke to the girl behind the bar like he knew her (OK so he is slightly becoming a regular now). This very public appearance will have raised a number of questions and the gossip will be rife. Naturally they will make it up as they go along as none of them actually wish to engage in conversation with me and ask me what is going on.

So anyway, the actions of BFF to cover up her naughty behaviour, gathering the local bitches who also have their own hidden agendas too, is basically putting a stop on my social life, so I tend to not really go out that much anymore. Well, OK, I don't really have the money to go drinking, but it would be nice to be asked now and then, and I'm sure I could scrap together a few quid if need be.

Oh and forgot to mention, at some point in the past, BFF has done something to either stab in the back, piss off, bitch slap or just general bitch to all of the local bitches that are doing the whole snubbing of me routine. So she also has more faces than a town hall clock!

Really I should just light the fuse paper, step back and watch the fireworks go off. Why not? After all, these are all not having any guilt about the way they treat me so why should I carry on being the keeper of their dirty little secrets. And logic and life tells us that Karma will catch up with them eventually? But then again, Karma is being one hell of a slow ass bitch in my life isn't she!

Are you seeing the pattern emerge here? The Foreign One, BFF? I keep their secrets so they can have their perfect lives. I stand out on the outside, frozen out and looking in, hoping for a better life. You'll really see the pattern when I do the next update.

So prepare yourself, because update number 3 is pretty damn explosive!




Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Lets Hear It For The Girls

I do like a good bit of TV. Although sometimes I watch just a teeny weeny bit too much. And I'm not limited in my tastes either. Everything from Dr Who to Downtown all through the soap and then just throw in a few American shows (ER will forever be my favourite!) and yes, I suppose I'm a slight TV addict.

I do like to take a look through the reviews in January for new shows stateside. Listings, ratings are BIG business over there. We've all heard about the astronomical amounts of money paid for advertising space during the Superbowl final. Other big shows command large advertising rates too, and you tend to find that the shows attracting the big $$$ will sooner or later make their way onto our screens over here.

So then I found this little beauty. Girls. The second season started on HBO at the weekend and season 1 was aired in the UK last October on Sky Atlantic, although given this isn't a main stream channel a lot of us would have missed it (note to Sky - well worth a repeat). In it's first season it won an Emmy and just yesterday it picked up 2 Golden Globes.

Think Sex and the City, minus the glamour. New York but a bit more Brooklyn. SATC is referenced as the inspiration behind the main characters move to New York to follow her dreams (of becoming a writer). Probably more comedy than SATC, but don't expect as many fancy shoes. Girls is written by Lena Dunham, who also stars in this show, which is probably semi autobiographical. Well they do say write about what you know!

Take a look, probably have a bit of a laugh and enjoy the scenery. You can read a review here http://www.casinotop10.net/magic-in-the-middle-5-must-see-mid-season-tv-shows along with others set to start this season (Shameless in Chicago! It just doesn't seem right ha ha)!

I wonder if HBO would be interested in a version of Girls set in a northern town, with all the characters having broad northern accents, really boring jobs, no sunshine, no nice scenery but loads of bad boys? Good idea? No? Back to the drawing board then? Yep!




Update No.1 - The Foreign One - Person No.1

I thought I'd best start with the person I've mention a lot in the past couple of years. The Foreign One.

I'll cut to the chase, I didn't door step the girlfriend (me being chicken shit), he said he was going to tell her everything, then he said he had, and then he just carried on like nothing had happened. So I think we can roughly translate that to he didn't tell her everything and just led me a merry dance so that I'd think he had and keep quiet.

So, where are we now?

Well, to be quite honest, I don't know.

He's still in contact, pretty much all the time. There's nothing physical going on at all and I head him off now when he tries to strike up a bit of sexting (which is very regularly) but seriously, I think we've well and truly established at this point that what he is doing is still cheating.

I've tried to do the whole ignoring thing, telling him to leave me alone, to sort his life out, and yet absolutely nothing changes. Nothing.

I have quite literally run out of options and ideas at this point. But I'll come back to that one in a moment.

When I said in my previous post about having people in my life that are causing my problems or I'm suffering for their bad behaviour, well, yep, he's one of them. Probably pretty obvious as to why like. But I'll expand on it a little further.

Besides the fact that he's impossible to shake, some might say persistent little bugger, I know absolutely full well he lies, a lot. And that has caused me problems. It also is another factor as to why my life just doesn't go anywhere. It's impossible to move on or do anything when I've got the millstone of him hanging around my neck and because so many other things in my life are shit then it just gets harder and harder to get rid of him.

In truth, I'm stuck in a non relationship, that's not only bad for me, going nowhere and just a ticking time bomb!

The lies. I know he lies to me on a regular basis. It gets obvious after a while and somewhat tiresome. So I just state that I know he's lying and change the subject. But I also know that he told a lot of lies to a lot of people in my previous job, and still does, and this was why I was bullied and harassed so much there. Yes, that was the culture of the company anyway and bitches thrived there, but I really did take a lot of shit and it was commonly known that I did. And it all comes back to his lies. So because of that I've taken a massive confidence knock and now, working for myself isn't generating enough income (back to that in a minute), I need to go back to a "proper job" (as my parents would call it), but I literally do not have the confidence to do that.

So, yes I'm not making enough money, which has meant I've had to move back in with the parents. This is a whole update in itself but it's a fucking nightmare, and that is putting it mildly! So, I get further annoyed with The Foreign One because if this was a normal relationship, then after two and a half years, the natural progression would be that we'd move in together. But because he literally has no conscience and no balls, and he knows what's going on in my life, I'm stuck in the never ending circle of shite that I'm in.

Add to that I also would make a pretty good guess that on the occasions his precious fecking girlfriend has found out, he has told pretty much the same lies to her that he told in work, which pretty much paints me as a bunny boiling stalker and that I've made the whole thing up. Regardless of the fact that I have a mountain of evidence proving that it's him. He started it, he instigates everything, he always make contact first, he keeps things going.

And this all bugs me. Very, very much. Which I think is the reason as to why I've not cut his balls off and made sure contact was cut. I still want to know how it ends. I still want to see some form of justice. I still want to see him get what he deserves. Because regardless of him probably being a very good friend to me at times, I also realise that he's holding me back and one of the reasons my life is not what it should be. He's also using his lies about me as cover for his wrong doing. And for that, unfortunately he needs to pay the price.

But god only knows how!

Do I be brave and doorstep the girlfriend, or forward on one of his countless emails to his sister (email readily available on Internet, so no hacking or stalking required), or do I completely cut him off? But if I cut him off then he will get away with it, and I know he will. And that isn't fair. Plus for me to be physically able to completely cut him off then I'm going to need to sort a few other things, housing being a good start. Which, when you read my further updates you'll see isn't going to be easy.

So unless I grow a pair of balls and open up just one can of worms I've currently got sat on my shelves of cans of worms (oh yes there's more than one), I am pretty much stuck with this. History tells us that the truth always comes out, but I'm beginning to wonder. Does it? Really? Like when? Can Karma be a bit slow on the uptake sometimes?

The way I see it, and hopefully you'll get what I mean when post all the updates, is that to straighten out my life and get my old self back, regain my mojo, I probably should open all these cans of worms at once. Like ripping off a plaster, short, sharp, shock, quick, get it over with. Get everything out in the open and then it's done with.

Opinions? Or shall we just sum up once I've done all the updates?

Saturday, 12 January 2013

Wrong Turns Are Very Easy To Take With No Road Map

So I just sort of left you waiting for a little while there for an update. Sorry, I've no excuses, no big profound reason, no wise words to sum it up. I was just being a bit of a chicken shit really. There's a lot to update on, and I mean a lot and this last week has been, well, shall we say manic, just to cover all the bases? Yes, manic should cover it. And yes, hands up, I will admit, things have gone wrong. I've taken a few wrong turnings and ended up not quite in the right place.

It's time to get back on the right road again!

I thought it might be easier if I broke up all my updates into a few blog posts, otherwise I'd be publishing THE longest blog post in the history of blogging! Like it would probably bring poor blogger to a stand still and crash and burn the dumb bugger. And quite frankly, you my dear reader would get fed up of reading my ramblings, get numb bums from how long you'd have to be sat on your arses, very drunk from all the wine you'd need, oh and heavy lunged for the smokers. Or wide awake for 3 weeks for the coffee drinkers.

You see the thing is, I've sort of lost my way a bit and become a soft touch, walked over, taken for a mug, treated like shit and just sort of let it happen. I think I've also found it extremely difficult to focus on, well life in general really, without small child around. You see previously, even though it was hell on earth having Batman on my case 24/7 and the crap he put me through, I still had my focus in life, which was small child. It was a reason to get up every day, go to work, do the shopping, cook the dinner, just life in general. To do the things, every day things, that most people take for granted.

I feel that I've sort of slipped into this dream world that's like my protective little bubble, where I live just passing the time away until small child is free to come back to me. I know that probably sounds really weird, but it's only recently that I've started to look and think, "Whoooooooo, hang on a minute. How the fuck have I ended up here? How the fuck has my life come to this? When did it all go so very wrong?" And the truth is, it was the day my focus, my reason for living was taken away.

At present I have 3 possibly 4 people in my life that are quite selfishly wrecking my life. For one reason or another their bad, some very bad actions are causing me to not be having the life I should, to be unhappy and to be suffering things I shouldn't be and I can in a lot of ways trace back to these 3/4 people the root of some of my problems. However to deal with this will open quite a few almighty can of worms and cause absolutely massive fall out of the catastrophic nature. However, I'm not actually the one in the wrong, but I'm paying the price. Not fair at all,

When I post my other updates it'll sort of make sense a bit more as to how much things have changed.It has been tough, very tough and I think my whole fighting spirit and my mojo has just been completely knocked out of me.

But it needs to stop! And stop pretty damn soon! People, things, events have taken over my life and it's not fair, it's not right and it certainly shouldn't be happening. But the first step I need to make is to stop, put it out there what needs to change and then make those changes happen! So, who wants to help me? I think I need a bit of my readers guidance that's been lacking for a while!

Right, I'll crack on with my various updates, while you prepare yourselves for more of my roller coaster life!!!